Almost Hopeless

A lot has happened since my last post, but nothing too exciting. I was kind of depressed for awhile, (and I'm still somewhat depressed.) It seems that every time I try to make something of myself, it doesn't work out - it's short-lived and all that. However, it seems that I encounter more obstacles, as I get older.

I had hoped to graduate high school and then be well on my way to having the life I desire. I wanted to write, model and act, and make enough money to be able get off ODSP and support myself. I planned to move to Toronto, make friends that I could actually hang out with, then hopefully be in a loving and lasting relationship. I still really want to achieve these goals, but right now at least, my dreams seem almost hopeless. I have no idea how I'm going to achieve them.

Apparently, I am no longer applicable for the Gage apartments in Toronto because I can't sit for really long time without getting uber sore and vomiting. The Gage's admissions team's second reason why I'm not applicable is that I'll become a shut-in because I do not live in Toronto, I don't have friends in the city and won't have things to do which is not true at all. There's a surgery that will keep me from vomiting, so after I have it, I am going to appeal their decision.

As for my graphic novel, some of you know, I've decided not to work with the artist due to financial reasons. My dad said that he'll illustrate my book, and although he is reliable and a great artist, I'm unsure that he will be able to spend much time and energy on my novel. So it falls to me, which I guess was always inevitable. I am the only one who can make my life better. Furthermore, I mustn't just hope and pray for success. I have to act upon something that I can actually do. I can do the art with Inkscape and Gimp, so that is where I will start.

How to Save a Life

I spent a lot of Friday crying - I've had a ton on my mind lately. Thursday, I found out that my friend Aisha had died, and two of my other friends aren't exactly at their pinnacles of health either. I'm also stressing out over my book because I still don't know how I can get enough money to hire the artist who has agreed to work with me. My dad said that he'll do the art for me, but honestly, he doesn't really have the time. My mum said that I have enough money right now to hire that artist. However, there are two problems with this. A) I don't want to start working with Kevin and find out halfway through that I actually don't enough to pay him. B) I can't afford to pay Kevin if I want to move to Toronto on my own, which I also really want. So, I do not know what to do! How can I do both? Ugh!

Getting Starkeeper published is so important to me - I know I have said this a lot, but it's true! I do not want my novel to become one of my many failed projects that go nowhere. Plus, bullying is a problem, and I want to do something to speak out against it, you know? and I can with my book. 

Aisha didn't take her life and neither did my friend Scott, however, I knew people who killed themselves. I wish I could've help through whatever they were going through. Like the lyric in The Fray's “How to Save a Life” that goes: "And I would have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life." Now, I’m not saying that Starkeeper will eradicate bullying, solve all of the world’s problems and save thousands of lives. However, if my graphic novel can make a difference in someone’s life (even if it’s small), then I have to try and do EVERYTHING I can to get my book published.

Lastly, I watched a movie called Cyberbully on Friday that I want to share with you all. I think it has a really good message.

Trying to Make the Impossible, Possible

Before I was certain of how much it would cost to hire the comic artist, I had a dream. I dreamt that for my dad's birthday, my mum bought him stuff from an electrician store. She bought me a circuit board with incandescent light bulbs attached to it at the same time. She told me that its objective was for me to turn the lights on and off with my mind.

"Just like in Fringe!" I announced.

Mum figured that this would be very hard for me to do, so then I thought to myself that it'd be hard, but not impossible.

I think the point of this dream is to say, "hey, getting the money you need may be hard, but it isn't impossible." Also, perseverance seems to be a common theme in my dreams lately.

Starkeeper is very important to me, and I truly believe the quote in the picture. ==>
One way or another, I will get the money and the resources to make Starkeeper a success!

Dreams: Change IS Possible

Ever since I was little, I believed in the possibility of a better world - a sort of Utopia. I looked up to people like Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., Buddha, the 14th Dalai Lama and Jesus. I thought if they changed their worlds, why can't we change ours? However, as I got older, and began to the inevitable hardships of life, my belief was clouded over and got pushed into the back of my mind.

Until quite recently, I thought that until catastrophic happened on a global scale, or until some enlightened figure would step into the public eye, people wouldn't want to ban together. Though, as it turns out, I was wrong. A better world is possible now - change is possible now.

KONY 2012

Kony 2012 is a documentary and campaign focused on bringing awareness to the child soldiers in Uganda, and Joseph Kony (the man responsible for them) to justice. www.invisiblechildren.com

Bully Movie (2012)

Bully is a documentary that chronicles the lives of young, bullied, American students and their families. thebullyproject.com

The It Gets Better Project

The It Gets Better Project was started by Dan Savage for LGBTQ youth, in response to strings of suicides due to all the homophobic bullying. www.itgetsbetter.org

These three videos are just a few examples of how everyday people are changing the world. This proves that we (the everyday person) can change our lives.

Bullying, and the Importance of Starkeeper and Living your Dreams

Today, I want to talk about bullying, and the importance of Starkeeper (my graphic novel) and living your dreams. Bullying is a real problem and one that I feel quite strongly about! This isn’t just because I have experienced it and continue to, but because millions of people experience it every day. According to a statistic released in 2010, there are about 2.7 million students being bullied each year. In response to this, I have heard many say, “high school sucks, but you’ll get through it,” or “people are mean to each other, but what can ya do?” I feel like the people who make comments akin to these, are dismissing this issue without giving it much credence.  

Saturday night, I was chatting online when someone came on, and told me that I was going to be a lonely old guy because no one will want me. This didn’t hurt me, it just made me FURIOUS because it was bullying. It was cyber bullying, and NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO BULLY, PUT ME OR ANYONE ELSE DOWN AND TAKE AWAY OUR HAPPINESS.

People commit suicide because they see it as their only escape from their bullies. I have been there, but I am glad that I’m still here because now I have the chance to make my dreams come true. If I had gave in to all the naysayers and bullies I encountered, or if I ever do, I would be effectively letting them squash my dreams. No one has the right to stomp out anyone's dreams. Therefore, I vowed never up on mine, and this is one of the reasons that it is so important to me that I get my graphic novel published. 

Being published will help me create the life I want. It'll also prove to me and everyone else that I can do anything. However, another BIG reason is that Starkeeper is my it gets better message to people. I want to show people that perseverance pays off and dreams can come true. 

Life can get better, but we have to make it better, and it's a process that might not happen over night. Also, we believe that we are worthy enough to have better lives

I want to say one more thing before I call it a night; if anyone wants to talk, I'm here for you. You can get a hold of me through Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr or email me at andreonwheels@gmail.com. 

Take care.

Powerful or Pitiful?

So, I just watched Veronica's latest video, and wanted to share it. The story that she shares really resonates with me. I empathize with the woman (albeit on a different level) because I also don't like, need or want people's pity.

Makes Me Wanna Scream - I Want Freedom!

AAHHHHH! I'm so SICK of lying in bed all the freaking time, which it makes me wanna scream. It's extremely boring and unproductive, however, everything I tried to do, i.e. screenwriting, acting, modeling and internet marketing was short-lived. Even having an in-store job didn't work out. I am not saying I'm giving up on my dreams but for now, I have decided to become a book reviewer but no one is hiring, so I don't know. Bleh! 

My theory was to start making money so I would be able to hire someone to take me places, and by writing reviews I'd gain exposure as well as credentials that could help me publish my book. 

I so wanna scream and break through every obstacle that's in my way! You know those opera singers who can shatter glass with the power of their voices? That is similar to what I want to do. Don't you wish your problems can be solved by something as simple as a scream?  However, life isn't that easy, thus it looks like my only viable option (for now, at least) is to go back to original plan of putting myself out there. 

"Putting myself out there" involves internet marketing, but I stopped marketing because it got to be pretty overwhelming, and I could not afford the various fees that went with it. Furthermore, I don't own a credit card, and wouldn't be able to afford to throw money at stuff that was not fully reliable even if I did. Though, I'm still going to try to find ways to promote myself online, without needing products and services that I can't pay for.

Finding My Niche

Two nights ago, I had a dream wherein I was new friends with Lea Michele. She had meet, and work with her publicist; a tall, black man. My two new acquaintances were dedicated to helping me discover my niche; what I'm best at. Lea's publicist got me three auditions. I don't remember the first one, though the second was at a swimming pool. I told Lea that because of my disability, I needed to help me swim. So, I went to a basketball court for my third audition, and   played ball. Then Lea performed in a play at the high school I used to attend.

 I remember feeling a lot better about my third audition simply because I was fairly good at basketball. So, I think that the message in this dream is to persevere, due to the fact that I still have untapped potential, and that I don't feel like I've found my niche yet. Furthermore, there are many things that I won't do well at, but there are an equal number of activities I will excel at. It's just a matter of finding them, and then narrowing my focus.

I dreamt of Gaga

Last night, I had a dream that I was having a conversation with Lady  Gaga. I don't remember a lot of my dream, though we were talking about my life and I felt quite at ease. I told her that I loved her & that she inspired me. I also remember telling Gaga that she and Glee helped me through so much, especially with Born This Way.

I'm not a religious person and I struggle with my self esteem, however, I think that I'm being told that I am on the track. I also think that this dream reflects my desire for true friends.

Leaps of Faith

This morning, a friend of mine reminded me that sometimes you just have to take leaps of faith. Jomo has decided move to Southern Florida with no idea of how he can afford it. Like me, he's unhappy with his current situation and wants to get out from his parents' wings. Though, despite his present challenges, I think that it is really inspiring how he's still so passionate and enthusiastic about his goals.

Many, many times, I have wanted to give up on my dreams and aspirations, however, Jomo and others like him that helped me push through my difficulties.

I am grateful that I haven't quit trying to achieve my goals because as long as I'm trying, I am moving forward. Now, this is not to say that I have everything planned out, as the logistics of my ventures are presently unknown which is rather daunting to me at the moment. However, if I just lie here in bed and try to block out my emotions like I'm sometimes tempted to do, then I may never get my novel published, or live the life I want.

Life isn't meant to be stagnant. We are either progressing toward achieving our goals or we're not. This is why Jomo and I are putting ourselves out there and asking for help.

If you are interested in learning more about Jomo or myself, or if you are able to help either of us, then please don't hesitate to do so.

Thanks!

Here's What's Up: Graphic Novel Artist Wanted!

Here's what's up..I can either buy Adobe CS5 and do the art for my graphic novel myself, or go to live at Gage. I can't afford to do both, even though I REALLY want to!

So, I'm going to look for an artist again. I've tried to before but I didn't have much success; I do not totally know where or how to look to get the best results, plus, I haven't had a lot of luck working with people.

 I want to collaborate with someone who is passionate, dependable,  hard-working and as dedicated to my novel as I am.                      

So, if anyone has any suggestions, or knows of someone who can help me, PLEASE PLEASE get a hold of me!

Thanks!

Butt-kicking Dreams

Image found on Tumblr

I have had three dreams so far this month that kicked my butt and told me to get my act together, thus I'd better listen. The first two dreams were about me making genuine friendships with the Glee cast after my book was published and part of the It Gets Better project.

In my first dream, I spent a whole weekend with my new friends. On the Saturday, I got to perform with the cast, then we just talked for a long time afterwards. They wanted to get to know me, so I told them about myself and what their show meant (and means) to me.

Cory and Dianna said that I was an amazing person, and to email them when I wanted someone to talk to. Then Amber suggested we'd go to an amusement park and out for dinner the next day.

In my second dream, Chris and I were hanging out at my house. Finally, in last night's butt-kicking dream, I was graduating from the Hero Academy, and was getting ready to go dance with a boy. During the grad ceremony, Peanut, the-highest-scoring-dog-sidekick chose me as his "partner in crime."

I think that these three dreams are trying to tell me that in order for me to become the person I want, I must let go of my feeling of inferiority. I also think that I should do whatever it takes to keep feeling good about myself.